'The Vampire Diaries' 404 Review - Klaus proposes (a deal) to Stefan

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This week on The Vampire Diaries -- Klaus compliments Jeremy’s line-work, we learn you can pick a lock with an earring, and we are once again subjected to horrific flashback hair.


Let’s start by talking about The Five that this episode is named for.  For the best effect just imagine you’re reading all this in Joseph Morgan’s voice since Klaus just loves when he can have his storytime.  The episode totally opens up with a witch bestowing power to five bare-chested harlequin romance novel cover men.  Right away this leads me to the question of why have we never seen a female hunter on The Vampire Diaries?  Because someone like a Buffy Summers type would murder Stefan and Damon without batting an eyelash, or do the people behind TVD think that we just want all our hunters to be male and sexy before they inevitably get their heart ripped out? Anyway, the Five are a badass group of hunters whose purpose is to expose the evil of vampires to the population at large as they exterminate them.  They all have one goal in mind, a massive weapon that they can only get to by using a cryptic map that’s tattooed on their body.  Witches, why do you have to be so fucking cryptic?

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It turns out this weapon is very conveniently something that team Elena also needs because the weapon is a cure for vampirism.  So everyone wants Elena back to being human again, except what if our heroes can’t pick and choose who gets affected by this cure?  I doubt that Klaus would still want her human if it meant that he was made human again too. Also, who says that all the old vampires would even be human after the cure was used?  Sometimes when immortality is removed all that happens is you wind up as a pile of ash instead (ala Adam Monroe from Heroes).  

It turns out that Rebekah is the only person who knows where the key is to the map, because she fell for one of the Five.  A guy who returned her love with some white oak ash and a dagger to her heart.  Here’s something to ponder: since they couldn’t kill the Originals, would her wannabe lover still have made her human with the cure and been with her then, or would he have murdered her afterward for all her crimes?  I was glad that Rebekah wasn’t going to tell Stefan because she didn’t want to do everything her brother wants her to, but less glad when she just ended up telling him anyway because Stefan is a sneaky asshole who preyed on her bleeding heart.  Of course all she gets for her trouble is an ash-tipped stake, an act that Stefan was very complicit in.  I hope she isn’t out of the picture for long as I really like Rebekah so here’s hoping someone finds out and yanks out the dagger.

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Let’s also take a moment to bask in the fact that Klaus had Connor stretched on a rack with no shirt on... for no real reason.  Klaus planned on using Jeremy to sketch the tattoo, which wasn’t as prolific as Klaus had hoped it would be.  Upon discovering that the tattoo grows with each kill is Klaus going to let Connor run wild a bit and have the map grow?  It seems like a very Klaus thing to do, but he’ll have to make sure his precious Elena isn’t one of the ones struck down.  But let's be real here, Elena isn’t going to die no matter how much danger they ever put her in. You could tie her to a tree in the woods and give Connor a bag of stakes and she’d still survive.  Considering the White Oak Stake is still in play however, Klaus is going to need to watch his own ass as well especially if Connor gets his hands on it. Klaus is a character they would kill off however, especially if it's sweeps week. So, considering the white oak stake is still in play Klaus is going to need to watch his own ass as well if Connor gets his hands on it. 

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I was excited about the tiny bit of Klefan in the last episode because I couldn’t anticipate the amount we’d get in this (or any future) episode.  But they now have their own special secret bond one that, as Klaus puts it is, “stronger than family.”  It’s certainly something that Stefan was a party to bringing Rebekah over for the awkward family time in the first place considering he had no idea what he was going to get out of the deal.  When Stefan does find out what it could mean, it’s still a morally ambiguous deal for him to make. Yes, Elena would be human but that means Klaus would be able to use her blood again to make hybrids.  Is Stefan really that confident that he can stop Klaus again, or does he not want to?Stefan may be willing to let Klaus take Elena's blood as is his want as a payment of sorts to Klaus for Elena (and possibly Stefan himself) being human again.

If after everything at the end of the season they end up making Elena a human again, I’m not going to be very pleased.  As of right now I can see that the season may be an arc dedicated to attempting to do it, but in the end they find out they can’t and some adult that’s close to the team gets killed off.  Do we really need a season dedicated to just letting the audience know that, 'hey we can’t make Elena human again because of such and such reasons'?  I’m sure at some point we will find out that it is an all or nothing scenario and that will put everyone at odds with everyone else.  

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Speaking of vampire!Elena, the girl needs to decide what it is she wants, and I’m not talking about which Salvatore brother she wants to be with.  She’s scared to death of killing someone and she can’t keep down animal or bagged blood. Yet she also doesn’t want to have fun and enjoy the feed like she did at the Halloween party.  She wants to only feed on assholes like the guy who was trying to roofie a girl, but she still let him live.  Should she have killed a guy who’s likely going to turn around and rape another girl? Elena’s morals are her own and they rarely make any real sense.  In the end if she really doesn’t want to kill someone then she’s going to have to accept the fact she’s a vampire and feed the way Damon’s showed her, with some level of enjoyment.

Let’s not forget that Bonnie was actually in this episode and she was all up in Damon’s face about Elena enjoying herself.  Why is Bonnie only ever around to be used for her powers or to disapprove of something?  This poor girl gets used by the writers all the time and again it appears someone she may give the slightest bit of trust to is going to bite her in the ass.  The professor who took over for her Gran, someone who I thought there was something fishy about this episode. It turns out he’s possibly a hunter as he's the one who sent Connor to Mystic Falls in the first place.  Is Professor Shane one of the original Five that escaped Klaus’s bloodbath?  I’m pretty sure he’s going to end up being the one Connor told Jeremy about--the man he met in Iraq and lied about losing touch with.

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I think we need to start a pool, how long is Stefan going to keep his little secret with Klaus?  Right now I’m leaning toward he’s going to keep it but someone is going to un-dagger Rebekah and she will be the one to blow the lid off the joint.  Closest guess without going over gets a burger at the Mystic Grill on the house.